UPD, Zone 57, Sunday OD article

[thelma]

I need to take care of some personal business before I can travel. Tonight, my sweet and innocent 17 year old GD took my 12 year old GD, and drove my car out of the driveway; down the street to Herkimer Road; went about 1/2 mile to visit one of her girlfriends. (told me she was going to clean out the inside of my car for me while I was on this computer).

Five minutes later, I get a call "Nana, come and get me - I was just in an accident"!!!!!!! A man came on the phone and told me what happened. My GD was coming around a corner and coulnd't control the car; tore up TWO lawns, scrapped bark off a tree and the front wheel fell off before the car stopped!

There were TWO Police cars, and the Fire Dept. Emergency Response Team/Ambulance plus a Fire Truck when I got my next door neighbor to drive me to the scene of this accident. The car is totalled!

Good News: Both girls are NOT seriously hurt. Checked out at the Emergency Room and 5 X-rays of their complete body, plus a CAT Scan taken of my oldest GD - they both have Whiplash but no broken bones or internal injuries.

BAD News: My 17 year old GD got 3 Tickets! #1 - Unlicensed operator, #2 - no insurance coverage (will be dismissed as I own the car and have insurance coverage on it), #3 - driving at a speed not reasonable or prudent. She has to appear in Court on 4/24

Since she does NOT have a job - I am going to ask the Judge to assign her to Community Service in lieu of paying the fine which will end up me paying the fine; not her.

She is now grounded to MY "House Arrest" for the next 6 months.

Plus, I am calling the Probation Dept and putting her on PINS!

Am I upset? You better believe it. Anything I hate is a liar and deceit - and she just did both!!
Now, I have to go and fine another car and do all the running around getting it registered, etc. and finding another car and the expense of paying for it!!!!! Just what I need ...........

[Ralph]

Well, I'm glad they are OK. The hard part will hit her when she tries to get her own car and insure it.
She will have a nice 25% surcharge on top of the already outrageous rates for three years from the date she first registers it.

Been there and done it...........it's called learning the hard way.

Bobbbiez, If I wanted to start locally I would just throw a hand grenade out my bathroom window and duck.

[thelma]

Thanks, Ralph. According to the Police Officer that came to the Hospital to give her the Appearance Tickets he charged her with, once she pleas Guilty to Driving without a license, it goes to DMV which assigns a case number to her. Then she will NOT be allowed to even obtain a Permit until she is at least 21 years of age and she will have to have DMV's permission in order to be granted a Permit.

I'm more worried about having my insurance coverage cancelled because of what she did. If I state she "stole" my car without my permission (which would be the truth) then she would be arrested and sent to OCJ. By doing this, I would be protecting myself and there would be coverage on my car for "theft" and the towing costs. BUT - I have no intentions of doing this.

You're right - she is going to learn the hard way that she is going to be paying the consequences for a long time for such a stupid act on her part.

[Swimmy]

Your granddaughter is 17, why doesn't she have her license yet? Not that it justifies what she did, I'm just curious.

Good for you in how you're handling the incident. I'm sure some of those idiots the disgrace published would have pulled out a Glock and started shooting the cops for accusing their kids of doing wrong. The world needs more parents like you in today's irresponsible chaos!

[thelma]

Swimmy - I brought up my 4 children, and now my grandchildren, to realize there will ALWAYS be consequences when you make a bad decision - which my GD did. Why should I pay HER tickets; she was told repeatedly that since she didn't even have her permit, she could NOT drive my car even out of the driveway. Let her do community work to work her fine off and find out the hard way what it is like to work for nothing.

She didn't have her Permit or license only because she had not completed reading the Driver's Manual to get ready to take the test for her Permit. This was something we were going to do next month! (not now....).

I have a call into the Probation Dept. and waiting for a call back from one of the Probation Officers.

I will be replacing this car by tomorrow afternoon, and I've already reported everything to State Farm and told to tell Claims Dept. that I gave her permission to drive my car in order for them to pay the liability damages of the lawns she dug up before the car finally came to a stop. Plus, a Policeman told me that IF I told them that she did NOT have my permission, she would have been arrested for Theft and put in jail!!!!!!

At this point, I really don't care if she "hates" me. At least she will begin to suffer the consequences of her actions and I will be suffering the financial part that comes with replacing the car.

[Clipper]

Thelma, wake up!! Why should you pay the price for her spoiled brat bullshit? Report the damn car stolen and let her live with the consequences of her actions. THE CAR WAS STOLEN!!

Thank God nobody was hurt. I would not want to see anything injured on her, but her spoiled little ass. That should be undergoing treatment for bruises and a blisters if she was my kid. 17 or not, I would blister her ass and ground her, until she forgot what fu-king daylight even looked like. She would beg to go to jail, just so she could see daylight and another human being.

I know you love her. I know you don't want her to be in trouble, but you have to let go. This isn't a little baby, making bad decisions. This is a nearly grown woman, with a very active and intelligent brain. She is a frigging con artist, and bullshits you on a daily basis to get what she wants. What did she think was going to happen when she got back home, with a gas guage that was down a little, or when you saw that she had been gone with the car?

I have a boy that made bad decisions and ended up homeless and drug addicted. I could have come to NY and got him, and dusted his ass off and told him it would be okay, but through my own recovery from alcoholism, and the ensuing education, I knew that enabling is not what he needed. He is one year sober, and struggling every day, but he is succeeding, which he would most likely not be, if I "took care of it" for him.

Sitting overnight in OCJ, might finally wake that little girl up, before she does something REALLY stupid and ends up dead or in prison. Sitting in jail, because she screwed up, will make her realize the value of your car, and the fact that YOU can't afford to have to pay for the price of all the damage done by her stupidity, and arrogance.

Wake up Thelma. This little girl has a great and benevolent grandmother, and you are giving up YOUR life to make hers better. It is time to quit feeling sorry for, and quit trying to make up for, all the negative things in her life. It is time to kick her in the fu-king ass, and tell her that the spoiled brat bullshit is not cutting it. If YOU can't control her, then the sad fact is that she needs to be where someone can. If it is Juvie, then so be it. She will at least be alive and not hurting someone else.

It is like, Gee little girl, I HAVE TO HAVE A NEW CAR! I guess I can't afford both the car and the money to bail your ass out of your stupidity and bullshit. YOU LIT THE FIRE, I GUESS YOU WILL HAVE TO PUT IT OUT YOURSELF LITTLE GIRL! Grandma has to take care of grandma for a change.

This isn't a two year old that needs training and teaching. This is a grown girl with a strong power of reasoning, that simply needs a kick in her pretty little ass, and needs to suffer consequences for her own actions. A little time in Juvie might wake her ass up to the fact that laws apply to HER also, and that cops don't have the patience that gramma does. God bless you darlin. You have a life that I would not want even ten minutes of!!

That little girl needs a wake up call, and it isn't going to come from Gram bailing her out of messes and making everything all right for her. Put a foot in her ass, and let her take her lickings from the law now, while she is still young enough to recover from it.

Kids that break the law are brats. Adults that break the law are criminals, and they go to jail.

We rant about the youth in Cornhill, and this is something that we would be discussing heatedly, instead of sympathetically, if it wasn't your grandaughter, or was a black kid from Dudley Ave that stole your car. Is there any difference between that "black kid" and your grandaughter??

Sadly, NO!

Thelma, you are going to put yourself in your grave doing for others. Others need to do for Thelma for a change. It needs to start with them taking responsibility for their own actions. I love you kiddo. You are going to have a frigging heart attack dealing with this kind of unneccessary bullshit!

I hope you take every dime of the costs of this mess out of her, and don't give her a dime in cash until she has found a way to pay back the debt caused by her stupidity and spoiled brat attitudes. If she ends up on Salvation Army jeans instead of old navy, that is the price of her spoiled crap. You take her shopping all the time, and spend your money on her fashions. Time for her to realize that her stupidity has cost her that privilege. I wouldn't buy her so much as a pair of socks until she has worked off the costs of this foolishness.

MAYBE A JOB, MIGHT KEEP HER MIND BUSY, AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS DEVIOUS CRAP.

[Disgusted-Daily]

thelma,

Sorry to hear about your bad news. I think you seem to be handling it quite well considering the circumstances. I remember being that age (not that long ago) and doing some real stupid thing that my parents should have disowned me for but didn't. I didn't understand then and thought my parents were the assholes. They use to always tell me "you will understand when you have kids someday". I use to think yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I did get over any ill feelings I had for them as time went by and the punishment ended.

Today I have a nine year old and completely understand my parents and find myself thinking back to those days. I even caught myself telling my son the other day that same phrase my parents told me "you will understand when you have kids someday". I had to quickly walk away from him because I found myself chuckling and thinking back to the day when I use to think, when that day comes I would never act that way to my kid. How time flys and your thinking changes.

I am sure your GD will learn from this considering the upbringing you have instilled in her. I am sure she thought it was no big, it's just down the street, what could possibly happen. Well be back before anybody knows were gone.

I would be willing to bet that a year from today she will look back and wish she had never done that. Because of her upbringing you have given her she will never loose the love she has for.

I know you will continue to be supportive to your GD and things will some how work out for the both of you. Good luck and I sincerely wish the both of you the best. My offerings to you for any help will always be their if needed.

Respectfully,
Todd

[bobbbiez]

Friends always say it like it is and sometimes it's not what one wants to hear.

We all know and Thelma knows she is doing the best job to her ability, but enough of the compliments and accolades, I have to give Thelma my honest opinion.

Todd, in all due respect to you but you are a young man raising a young family. Thelma is "old" as I am and we have raised our family. Because of our ages problems and stress takes a drastic toll on us, mentally and physically. This is not a girl who just decided to take her GM's car for a joy ride. This is a girl who has some major issues and problems now and in the past which has to be addressed.

Thelma, there comes a time when you have to decide what you are attempting to do for your GG is not working. You have to decide whether you are teaching her and instilling the right things for her to face life with in the right way or are you defending her and teaching her that GM will get her out of whatever. You will not always be here for her to run to and that will come quicker for you if you continue to deal with things that just maybe you are not capable of handling. You have to decide the time when you let go and allow someone else who is better equipped to deal with kids such as your GG. Someone who truly understands and can give your GG some "tough love." Someone outside the family who knows how to deal with problem kids. You have to decide when you will come to the realization that you have lose control and put it in the hands of people who can.

Your GG knows nothing about taking the consequences of her own actions. You are making it too easy for her. When you had to lied for her to keep her out of trouble something is drastically wrong with that picture. What message are you giving your GG? Thelma, girlfriend, she could have killed herself, your other GG or someone else by hitting them and God forbid she spend a night in jail. Come on girl, where is your head. Think of the lose you suffer because of a driver's stupid actions.
Spending a night in jail just might have helped to wake her up and before anyone ask me if I could do that, I'll tell you why my answer is , "without hesitating."

I put my own problem son in jail when he was out of control like Thelma's GG and then allowed the authorities take him out of my hands and put him with people who were better qualified then myself to handle him. I had to admit I no longer had control of the son I love so very much. Did I made the right decision for myself and for my son? I'll let you answer that. He is now a grown man with a very good life. I know if I didn't find that "tough love" in myself to take the right avenues with my son, he would not be here today or maybe in prison for the rest of his life. Would I do it again? You're damn right I would!

Thelma, you confess to being strong, then put that strength to doing what is best for your GG and if it means you have to let go of her and allow others to do it, then so be it.

Luv ya girl.

[dgriffin]

Thelma wrote:
"I'm more worried about having my insurance coverage cancelled because of what she did. If I state she "stole" my car without my permission (which would be the truth) then she would be arrested and sent to OCJ. By doing this, I would be protecting myself and there would be coverage on my car for "theft" and the towing costs. BUT - I have no intentions of doing this."

Thelma, are you really sure of this? I mean, that only if the car was stolen would you have full insurance coverage? You can always ask your insurance company some "what if's."
Or, maybe even the local consumer fraud bureau could help answer this or point you to another agency.
Also, get some local advice about PIN ing her. If she lives with you, that might open your household to CPS workers. (And I'm not sure you can PIN her at age 17.)

[thelma]

Todd - Thank you for your understanding and kind words. Ashley realizes just how lucky she was that a small child wasn't walking in front of the car when she lost control over it. The car can be replaced; Ashley and Erica were NOT seriously hurt, and Ashley will have to stand in front of the Judge on 4/24 and take whatever harsh words he might have for her. She is suffering physically today from a lot of sore muscles and the guilt knowing what she did is written all over her face. She crossed over my "line in the sand" and knows it. She even called the OD to see if there were any paperroutes in our area. They have her name and telephone number and will be calling her as soon as one comes open.'

Clipper and Bobbbiez - I know you both are thinking of my welfare and have harsh words for Ashley - which she deserves. As I mentioned in another post, she has an appointment tomorrow with a highly recommend Therapist that deals with "problem teenagers" and, hopefully, this will be the beginning of Ashley facing life in a more responsible manner.

She knows I'm not always going to be by her side and each year I'm here is a blessing for her. She does NOT get everything she wants - contrary to what you both think. She also does not have a ton a "designer clothes". When she does wear a "designer label" it is because I bought it while it was on sale at 50% off!!!!!

Ashley and her sisters have been thru too much emotional garbage their own Mother exposed them to and it has left its mark on all of them. Hopefully, with counseling, love and understanding, they are all heading towards the right direction - maturity!!!!!!

[thelma]

dgriffin said:

Thelma wrote:
"I'm more worried about having my insurance coverage cancelled because of what she did. If I state she "stole" my car without my permission (which would be the truth) then she would be arrested and sent to OCJ. By doing this, I would be protecting myself and there would be coverage on my car for "theft" and the towing costs. BUT - I have no intentions of doing this."

Thelma, are you really sure of this? I mean, that only if the car was stolen would you have full insurance coverage? You can always ask your insurance company some "what if's."
Or, maybe even the local consumer fraud bureau could help answer this or point you to another agency.
Also, get some local advice about PIN ing her. If she lives with you, that might open your household to CPS workers. (And I'm not sure you can PIN her at age 17.)

.............................

Dave - I;m a retired Insurance Underwriter. I know all about what is and what is NOT covered under an Automobile Policy - LOL. When your car is stolen, there is no liability coverage for the damage the "thief" does.

As far as PINS is concerned, Yes I can put her under PINS. If they want to send CPS workers to my home, I have nothing to hide and they would be more than welcomed. I'm legally responsible for her until she is 18 years old and if I tell them that I can't control her anymore - the Probation Officer will take charge of her and put her under rules that she MUST follow.

Ashley is not a bad kid and has a heart of gold, and is very respectful towards authority figures and the law. She knows what she did was wrong - and now she has to face the music!

[wcup102]

Thelma,

Sorry for your misfourtune and thankfully no one was seriously hurt. As far as PINS, you may have to go to Family Court to file, unless probation takes it, but I have never heard of that. Also, I am not sure if PINS can be filed on someone after 15 yo. I know if one is in effect before they turn 16, then it can be continued until they are 18. LOL- I work there and still ain't sure how's that?! I will check on it tomorrow and let you know unless you find out before then. Good Luck!! (I think I may have found another shooter that needs to vent some frustration. No problem we can have two snipers.)

[Swimmy]

Might I suggest you get her involved in a sport? I know several kids who straightened out when they joined the swim team. The coach made sure we were all too busy with swimming, school, or sleeping. There are some competitive club teams she could join, Clinton Cudas train at Hamilton College. Then there are the New Hartford Knights, they're not much of a competitive team anymore, but they're good at teaching basic techniques. There is another club team that trains at SUNY IT. I still use the life skills swimming taught me today. I might not have survived law school but for my swimming.

[thelma]

Swimmy - thanks for the suggestion. Ashley has never been into sports. She is very petite and doesn't have the stamia (sp) for sports. She is 5 ft 2 ins. and only weighs about 103 pounds. She takes a "0" of Size "1" in jeans - and she is constantly eating. A gust of wind could literally pick her up and blow her all the way to Clipper's house in Tennessee - LOL.

There's an idea!!!!!

Seriously, she has put applications in at the Dollar Store, all the fast food chains, and even the donut shops - so far no one has called. She can't work at Wal-mart until she is 18 because of the fact they sell liquor and cigarettes. She needs to work and keep herself busy when she is not in school.

[Swimmy]

That's the beauty about swimming, you don't need to be a muscle-man to swim. Swimming is about technique and mental drive.

Oh well, it was worht the suggestion.