Adoption Laws

[bobbbiez]

Just heard the State of Maine has been added to the long list of States who are opening their adoption records.

I have tried to talk to our legislators here to do the same and have fallen on deaf ears with reasonings given for their own personal reasons which is bull in my book. They should be representing all their constituents and not just a few friends.

Why does New York State always have to be the last one on the totem pole in so many important areas?

Keeping these records sealed serves no purpose and hinders the adopted in some many ways. It is totally unfair to the adopted.

Any legislators who might be reading this topic should bring this issue up to date and do what is right for so many who have no knowledge of their families history.

Larry T this includes you to. I know it's not in your power to start this on your own but you do have some power.You are in the right circles. You know the right legislators who can. You can bring it to them and get something started that has been ignored much too long now. Anything you can do will be better then nothing.

[dgriffin]

There must be pros and cons. Maybe if a mother knew she would eventually be tracked by her child, she would instead abort. Or maybe the opposite. E.g., open records work both ways, I presume. That means a mother could give a child up for adoption, knowing that she could always find him or her later, making the situation unfair for the adoptive parents. What do you think?

[bobbbiez]

No, not a problem for the adoptive parents. I adopted two children and one knows their natural parents and siblings, the other not so lucky. Besides, I hope all adoptive parents informs their adopted child as much as possible they know about their adopted child's family. If they don't, they are creating more problem for themselves when their child gets old enough to question things.

I have been helping my adopted daughter look for her natural parents for over 10 yrs now. We've had no success through all avenues. Tried all that is available.

When we adopted her, we were given very little info concerning her family, but told her what we did know. In our search, we did find out she has siblings which we were not told at the time of her adoption.
Can you imagine, knowing you have brothers and sisters but you can't find them?
Can you imagine, being asked by your doctors about your medical history and you know nothing?
Can you imagine, looking in the mirror and wondering who you look like and not knowing who you really are?
All the things we who are not adopted take for granted, the adopted child wants to have. They have a right to know.

My daughter loves us, her family, deeply but I do understand what she is feeling and needs to know. It is her right.

Many natural mothers who give babies up for adoption don't even tell the father she is having his baby. There are plenty of men out there who don't even know they have a child.

There are ways the State can open up the sealed records without the natural mother being identified if she still doesn't want to be.
Sorry, but there are too many other people involved that have "birth rights", so my sympathy is not directed to just one person, the natural mother.

The sad part of this is that NYS will eventually have to follow suit with all the other States opening up adoption records already, but it might be too late for my daughter to find her family members still alive.

[pasofino]

I know what it's like.. I was adopted at just a few days old. At 52 years old, i just found out in Oct. that I have a blood sister. We were both born in NY and were both adopted. We are 2 years apart. We have the same mother. We will meet for the first time in 2 weeks. I live in Ma. now, she on Long Island. She has met our mother. I have not met her yet.
Actually, I wonder if any one on this site could help me out...
I know for a fact my father was from New Hartford/Utica. In 1955 he would have been about 21 years old. He was Italian and supposedly sang with a band and went by the name of Danny B. I would be SO GREATFUL for any info on this guy. I now know half of my family history and am yearning for the chance to find out about my paternal family. I am not interested in invading his privacy, I just want a last name.
PF

[Swimmy]

I am sorry pasofino, but at 28, 1955 was well before my time. The only people I know who would have any possible information have since passed on. Good luck in your search, I hope you are able to finally meet your biological family.

One of my ex girlfriends is adopted. I spent many a night sitting by her side offering silent consolement as she cried her eyes out wondering about her biological parents. She was adopted through Catholic Charities and was born in New Hartford. But Catholic Charities keeps those records confidential. She is a wreck about not knowing what her biological parents are like and has so many questions for them. It would be nice if the state opened up those records, people like my ex might get so much closure to the anger and turmoil they have in their lives. She lives with fear of abandonment problems.

[Clipper]

Gee Pasofino, you might try going through all the 50 something pages of the BeBop thread under Utica entertainment history. There are a large number of bands and musicians mentioned there, along with pictures and posters. Either that or post on that thread and see if any of the 50's and 60's musicians would remember anyone with the name you are looking for. Good luck my friend. I hope you are successful in finding your biological dad. You are looking for a musician older than any of the band members we have posting on here, but many of them remember the older bands and the history of bands in the area.

[pasofino]

Thanks guys for the replies. OK Clipper, I'll try the Be Bop pages. Thanks for the input...
Just got back from a cold but great ride on my Paso fino horse Chica. My toes are cold... PF

[bobbbiez]

Pasofino, I am sOOOOOOOOOOOOO very happy for you. Enjoy your reunion no matter what. All your question are finally going to be answered and you will now have a sense of fulfillment. You will know who you are. That is so wonderful!!!! I envy you on behalf of my daughter, but make no mistake, I couldn't be more happier for you.

Please keep me informed on how all went for you. You can email me at: [e-mail]

Clipper gave you the same advice I was going to suggest. Do it!
Jon, also might even be able to help you find who your Dad was. He's good at searching old bands.
Good luck in your search.

God did bless you.

[pasofino]

Yes, I'll keep you posted. Thanks for all the encouragement everyone. PF

[dgriffin]

Pasofino, POST on the Bebop A Lula thread, because I'll bet many people read it who are not members. Both you and Bobbbiez give compelling reasons for opening adoption records. Both of you mentioned a few things I never thought about.

[pasofino]

Well, Thanks to Jon, I have found out my Dad's name. His last name is Bottoni. Anyone know what part of Italy they are from? I owe Jon big time. I called the musicians Union and the guy who answered the phone knew right away who I was looking for. I am amazed and grateful. Thanks to everyone that showed some interest. PF

[bobbbiez]

I am jumping for joy for you. ;D

So very happy all is falling in place and that you're on your way to closure and a new beginning all at once.

You'll have to keep me informed and let me know how your reunion goes. I'll be waiting on pins and needles till you do. Plus, I told my daughter about your successful search and she is elated which has instilled some hope in finding her natural family.

Now, do me a big favor and say some prayers for her to succeed in her search. We need all the help we can mustard up. ;D

PS: Told you Jon was "the man!"

[Clipper]

My heart rejoices for you Pasafino. I wish you luck in your endeavor to find your biological dad and to be reunited.

Jon, you are "the bomb" buddy. You sure have performed a worthwhile service by keeping this thread alive and well. Thanks actually to everyone who posts to it, but especially to Jon for his frequent and interesting posts and posters from the past.

[pasofino]

I want to thank everyone for your prayers, help, and this website/chat room. Without all of you finding out who my Dad is never would have happened so quickly and easily. Jon even found and sent me a picture of Danny Bottoni. I always thought I might be a "goomba", and now I know. I called my new 1/2 sister today and told her the news and sent her the picture via e-mail. Now I just have to get up the courage to contact my Dad. His phone number is unlisted. I may call his brother who lives in Utica, or I may just write to my Dad snail mail.
And I will send prayers out for your daughter Bobbiez to be as guided as I have been. I am 52 years old now. I have a friend who found his parents and he was older than me.. PF

[Clipper]

I misspoke in my last post, thinking we were still on the 50's and 60's thread instead of the Adoption Law thread. What ever thread, I am extremely happy to hear that you were able to find a picture and to track down your biological family Pasofino. That is wonderful news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you proceed to meet your 1/2 sister, your biological Mom, and hopefully your biological Dad. I am praying that all will be well, and all of you can rejoice in the reunion. Congratulations Jon for your ability to bring this about and the hard work you put into posting all the pictures and information that keeps all of your fellow musicians interested along with the rest of us. I never could have predicted that the website could serve such an important purpose. God works in mysterious ways.