Adoption Laws

[bobbbiez]

Pasofino, thank you for your prayers. I will relay all to my daughter and I know it'll instill the hope she's lost in the last few years in finding her family.

It's been pretty cool that in our search for her family we have reunited a couple of families in the weirdest ways. Through some kind of advertising and stories about her search in most all local papers, people called who thought they were my daughter's parents. Through DNA testing we found out they weren't, but with our help they did find their own daughters.
They invited us to their reunions. They were bitter/sweet occasions for my daughter and for myself. Hard to explain. You're so very happy on one side but the other is filled with tears. Here's hoping through all our prayers some day my daughter and I will be able to experience just the happy side.

Now girl! Listen to me! Excuse my bluntness, but get the b*lls and pick up the damn phone. You've waited too damn long now to lose your nerve. It's what you've prayed for and yearned for and all you have to do is "MAKE THAT CALL!"
God has blessed you this far, sweetie, and the rest is in your hands.

"MAKE THAT CALL!"

Keep me informed.

[bobbbiez]

Yes Clipper, God does work in mysterious ways but does need our help in bringing such important things into the light. That is exactly why I started this post.

I am extremely happy for Pasofino in succeeding in her search through this topic but I'm getting mighty tired of being happy for someone else and yet still feeling my daughter's pain.

This adoption issue has got to be addressed. I thought by starting this post that our legislator would pick up and carry the ball to those who have the power to make things right for so many. Mighty tired of hearing, "not my department to handle."
What am I stupid! I know they all know each other. I know when something is that important to them they'll cross the line of their "department" and help get business done. Don't want to be ignored any more. We have people on this forum that can help and I'm waiting to hear from them.

[Clipper]

Your daughter will be in all of our prayers and thoughts also Sunshine. As I said, God works in mysterious ways. I truly believe in the power of prayer. Prayer is answered in God's own time. Keep praying, it works.

Your daughter was lucky to have been adopted by a mother as wonderful as you have been to ALL your kids. I have a cousin who is adopted. It has to be a very disturbing thing not to know your personal heritage and geneology, if for no other reason than a medical history of your birth parents.

I did not know Pasafino was a girl. Her profile lists no gender, but I somehow thought she was a he, LOL. Sorry PF. Good luck and God bless. Of course NONE of us knew she was a "goomba" as she calls it. Now that is funny. An Italian girl, named after a spanish bred, gaited, riding horse. Cool!

Hey, what the hell, man or woman, we are happy you joined us here on the forum, and it is great that it has worked out the way it has.

[frankcor]

pasofino, good luck to you. Now that you know you are a pisano (or is that pisana?), don't be a stranger. Capische?

[Ralph]

I have to agree on the antiquated adoption laws. Somewhere out there I have a half-sister that my mother gave up several years before she married my father (who disappeared as well).
Can't even begin to know where to look.

Back in those days it was taboo and she went off to Ingleside Maternity Home in Erie County, brought the baby home, and then had to give it up.

My father on the other hand was locally grown but disappeared, though his parents were well known here and lived here until their death.

Not that it is imperative that I ever find any of them, but it does leave pieces missing from ones life.
New York State does not make it any easier.

[bobbbiez]

Ralph, if you decide to look for her there is a State Registry you can register in. If she is also registered the department will hook you up together.

Have to run to work now but if you're interested email me and I can give you more info on it.

[pasofino]

Yes Ralph, The State Registry is how my sister and I found each other. We both registered to find our parents, and instead found each other.. Within the past year the Registry decided to not only share info about parents and kids, but also siblings. So if you register and any siblings you might have register, the State will let you know. I was not aware of this until I received my letter from them this past October. PF

[pasofino]

I'll keep you posted on what goes on Frank. I am going to Long Island to meet my 1/2 sister tomorrow. It will be the first time I ever will have seen anyone that I am blood related to. I will be back on Monday sometime. PF-and yes, it's pisana

[Clipper]

Have a wonderful reunion PF. My heart is lifted by the mental image of you meeting your first blood relative for the first time. What a wonderful reunion is will be. God bless you my friend, and may this all lead to even more family being found. and happily reunited.

[bobbbiez]

Hey Girl, I'm praying all weekend that you have a totally successful reunion. You will be on my mind till we hear from you.

Remember what I said. No matter what takes place you have fulfilled all you seeked for too many years. Take the good and run with it. Don't let anything else seem more important. You will have all the answers to the questions that have haunted you and you will finally know who you are completely. Can't ask for more then that. All else is a bonus.

God is blessing you, sweetie. Be happy. ;D

[lrtill]

While I was not adopted, I did not know my father till I was 21. I was born out of wedlock in 1949! My Mom was so hurt and ashamed she never told me about my father who turned out to be married to someone else. I thought I had the same father as my older brother and sister whom my Mom had divorced and had never known. I carried that man's name for the first 16 years of my life until I found out that my actual name on my birth certificate was the same as my Mom's maiden name. When I was 16 my sister told me a few things she remembered about my Dad, she didn't know his name just a nickname. 5 years later, I over heard a conversation in a little corner store on Arthur St that reminded me of some of the things she said. I asked some questions of the people involved and called the man in their story. Sure enough he was my Dad! We met briefly a couple of times before my life took me away from the area for a while. He didn't want a public relationship as he didn't want to bring up old hurts for all who were involved. A few years later I read in the paper one Sunday morning that he had died. I had never realy learned anything of my history. About 25 years later, I decided to see if I could find out if I had any brothers or sisters and was able to find a cousin who filled me in. It seems my Dad had raised a son who was adopted and I was his only blood child. When I met my cousin she looked so much like it was scary! When she opened her door to me I felt like I had come home. I was able to meet 2 elderly aunts and my "adopted" brother eventually and heard some storiea about my grandparents. Though we have not kept in touch, I finally feel like I know who I am from both sides. It is strange to not know where half of you came from and even as a child before I knew I had a different Dad from my siblings, I always felt that I was different somehow and that something was missing. I wish the best to all those looking for another part of themselves. If that is what you want never give up!

[bobbbiez]

Irtill, thank you so much for sharing your sad but fulfilling story with us and for your well wishes. Not always an easy thing to do and there are so many other stories out there to be told. We have to get the right people to listen. Meaning all our legislators.

I am very happy you found a sense of closure which does bring a new beginning for most. That is something an adopted child needs especially in their older years.

It is so very unfair that an adopted child has no birth rights. NYS better get their act together and make things right for all those involved and who rightfully deserve it.

Being an adoptive parent myself and the founder of the Adoptive Parents Organization here in Oneida County I urge all parents, as your Mom, and all adoptive parents to be completely truthful to your children. Believe me if you're not, it will come back and bite you right in your rear end.

As you mentioned, Irtill, most adopted children do always have the feeling something is missing in their lives. I have talked to many including my own adopted children and all feel as you did.
All have a right to know.

Thank you again for sharing your story with us.

God bless you and yours.

[lrtill]

Bobbiez - You are right parents need to be truthful - my Mom never told me who my father was. I never had the heart to confront her about it as I felt she must have had her reasons. She did find out that I found my father's family through a Freudian slip on my part and she even went to visit them with me once. I never really held it against her but I do wish I could have known my Dad all my life - think how different our lives might have been - maybe good, maybe bad - but I had the right to finf that out and know my parentage.
I have a good friend who has 2 adopted sons and has always told them they were adopted. They are devoted to her and while now adults, have not as yet felt any need to find their birth family but if they ever do I know she will support them.

[bobbbiez]

lrtill, I am truly sorry you were never given the opportunity to really get to know your father. Some good came out of what you did find out and that's getting to know your extended family which does bring answers to questions you might never have known.
You succeeded in making yourself whole by finding your other side and I'm sure you know that is more then most have been able to do.

I do sense a little saddness still left in you. Please remember things do happen for a reason and we have to deal with things we can not change, especially since it was not of our doing.
The healing process is much easier when you can direct your emotions through others and I sense you are doing that by helping others who might be in a similar situation as your own. You have become an instrument for the adopted child who is still searching, just by telling your story. There really is very little difference from your story to theirs.

You are getting the message out to all parents that keeping the truth from their children will only hurt them more in the end.
By sharing your story you are also getting the message out to others who just might be the ones who will change the laws here in NYS to give all involved their long overdue birth rights. I applaud you for that.

If more start to open up, as you have done, and share their stories then there will be too many messages given out that can no longer be ignored by our legislators.

You have accomplished much more then you realize. Please take pride in that and be happy.

Thank you and God Bless.

[denise]

I, too, believe that adopted children should be told when they are old enough to understand and ask questions that they are adopted.

I have a dear friend who did not know until he and his wife were arguing. She let the cat out of the bag. It was devestating to say the least. I don't believe he has ever had a interest in tracking down his birth parents.

I believe that there should be some sort of clause in adoption paperwork to help if birth parents would like to located somewhere down the line. This way there would be no guessing regarding contact. I am sure that there are many birth parents, who for their own reasons, would prefer to never meet the child they gave away. I am sure that they have their reasons, and their wishes should be respected.