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Post by Clipper on Oct 15, 2008 21:48:28 GMT -5
Today was a very long and hard day for myself and my brother and sister. We had a talk with my dad, and paved the way for him to go back to the nursing home tomorrow on "comfort care" with a hospice nurse attending him daily.
He has said that he has lived long enough and wants to go and be with my mom, his love of 59 years. I asked him straight up what he thought about going back to Brookhaven Manor ( his home away from home) and not having to ever go to the hospital again. I told him that he would be given medication to ease his breathing, and that when the carbon dioxide built up in his blood again, instead of going to the hospital, he would simply get more and more tired and groggy and go to sleep for the last time. No more machines, no more IV's, no more blood tests or uncomfortable testing.
He smiled up at me very contented and relieved and said " I would like that very much." How could a family possibly want to keep someone alive that has lived 84 years and simply has gotten sick of being sick, and is very lonesome for my mother? It brought a peace over my heart to see the tension and pain go out of his face contemplating the idea passing away peacefully and without pain.
Everyone on this forum that knows me, knows how much I love my dad. He has been my hero and my role model for 62 years. I have been fortunate to have had to two wonderful parents that I was blessed with. My dad has been my inspiration to become the man that I am.
I just thought with all the references I have made to his failing health and his ICU trips, that I would get on and post a thread to express my extreme gratitude to you all for the moral support, prayers and good thoughts that have been sent our way. Thank you so very much on behalf of both myself and my family.
My dad will possibly live a week or so, or may die in a day or two. He will be comfortable, and I will be with him when the time comes, unless he passes in his sleep during the night.
My dad IS my hero. My dad has been my life since moving here to care for him and mom. He has occupied my days and told me stories that I would never have heard about our family roots and his wartime experiences.
I wrote a story dedicated to him this past father's day on Dave's Windswept Press site, under the more stories section and my journal page called "Along the Banks of Beaver Creek." It is called "With a bounce in his step" it is a wonderful story about a wonderful father. Check it out, and you will know why he has been my inspiration and my hero.
Once again, thank you all for the love and support that I find in our Clipper's Busy Corner family. God bless you all. I will continue to appreciate any prayers and good thoughts that are sent our way. It is a trying time, but God has brought us to it, and provided us peace with the thought that Dad will pass without pain or suffering, and will be at peace himself.
Sincerely, Clipper
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Post by countrygal on Oct 15, 2008 21:59:45 GMT -5
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I'm sending you a big hug. You are blessed to have such a wonderful father, but.....he is blessed to have such a wonderful and caring son.
Keep us posted.
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Post by Clipper on Oct 15, 2008 22:04:45 GMT -5
Thanks CG. I feel more at peace now than I have in months of worrying that he would pass in pain or with needles and tubes. The fact that he made the choice and that he was so relieved at the idea of leaving this world in such a way, brings me peace. It is one last effort that I can make to make his life more pleasant by giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he will not be going back to the hospital ever again, and his death will be comfortable and without pain.
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Post by dgriffin on Oct 15, 2008 23:18:34 GMT -5
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Post by kim on Oct 16, 2008 7:04:31 GMT -5
Happy thoughts are going to you and your family, Clipper.
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Post by Ralph on Oct 16, 2008 16:02:43 GMT -5
Ya know Clipper, I have read this several times now, as well as your piece on Dave's sight.
I am at loss for words when I try and reply.
Buddhists say that Love and Compassion are both qualities intrinsic to our true nature, and that if we find how to connect with that true nature we have touched on a source of divine qualities.
Wisdom is not attainable without finding both first in ones heart.
I see that you have found them all and completed the circle for you both. The hardest thing, and also the greatest gift, is letting go.
God Bless you Clipper, this will not be an easy road to travel. But you can hold your head high knowing that the gift he gave you early in life has been returned.
Peace be with you my friend.
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Post by Clipper on Oct 16, 2008 16:46:08 GMT -5
Thank you Ralph. I am finding it amazing how at peace I am knowing that he is content, and at peace with departing this life. I spent the day with him today and had an appointment with the hospice nurse at 1 PM. He returned to the nursing home at about noon, and is in a private room reserved for hospice cases. It a beautiful room with a fridge, microwave, and a hide a bed sofa for the family to stay if they so desire.
It took all afternoon to fill out the paperwork for hospice. When I was ready to leave the nursing home, Dad took my hand and told me, "Thank you Dick, I am glad that you have taken good care of me, and handled my affairs. Thank you for bringing me back here to Brookhaven to die." My dad an I have always had a special relationship, and I would go to any length to make sure he was content. It hasn't been a chore, it has been a pleasure to make his life easier and care free.
I still have a hard time wrapping my pea sized brain around life without my hero, but it gets better every day. It is easier with the knowledge that it is truly what he wants.
There is one scary thought though. When he dies, I will be the oldest with our name, and the patriarch of the family. I told my brother and sister, that as the newly crowned patriarch of the family, I will expect a lot more respect and if they choose to lay gifts at my feet, they will be graciously accepted. LOL
Thanks for the kind words Ralph. That is a beautiful post and I sincerely am moved reading it.
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Post by golden on Oct 16, 2008 20:23:06 GMT -5
I am crying reading this, Clipper bless you! I am kinda going thru the same thing with my mom she is 75 but I really cant imagine life without her! She is my rock, my soul! I would never let her die in pain though! I wish the best for you and your Dad!
Golden
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Post by corner on Oct 16, 2008 20:49:46 GMT -5
god bless your dad and your family at this difficult time may he find gods peace
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Post by wcup102 on Oct 16, 2008 21:07:27 GMT -5
Clip, there is nothing else I can sya as it has already been said by the caring folks you have drawn to your "corner" on the world and so graciously welcomed us in. I will say it anyways, God Bless you and your family and my prayers are with all of you. I am fortunate to have both parents stillhere (each 67) but I know their time is inevitable and nearing. I try to prepare a little each day. I am sure your dad knows that you have done all you can to assure his comfort and to ease his pain. As you have exuded to all of us through this site and your words of kindness and wisdom, you are a passionate, caring soul that would go the extra length for anyone. We will be here for you when the day comes, and feel free to call upon us. Again, God Bless you and your family and may you get through this difficult time strength and comfort of family and friends, both close at hand and through your extended family here.
Take care, my friend.
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Post by kim on Oct 17, 2008 7:00:45 GMT -5
I remember when my grandmother died in 1985. July 22, 1985 at 11:58am. Not that I remember it vividly or anything. ;-) She had been so sick for so long that I was to the point where I wanted her to die. I didn't want her to leave us, but she had been in so much pain that I just wanted her to go so she'd be free of it. It's certainly never easy, but I know she went to a better place and was free of pain. Your father will be in that same, pain free place. I am still sending nothing but happy thoughts to your entire family.
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Post by Clipper on Oct 17, 2008 7:49:09 GMT -5
It is amazing how contented Dad is to be back at the nursing home and in his familiar surroundings. The home that he lives in is a wonderfully clean and well run place. I checked out many, before finally making a choice. He has been there for over 2 years and the girls that care for him have grown very fond of him, as he is a very amiable and loveable old man. When we brought him back there, one of the nurses was brought to tears when she saw "her buddy" being placed on comfort measures only.
When I left him last night at about 9PM or so, he was chatting with his favorite nurse and preparing to go to sleep. I simply sat and watched TV with him last night, and we didn't even discuss his impending death. We chatted and watched television. I think it was a welcome respite for both of us, after the hospital atmosphere and all the unpleasantry of the bipap machine, gastric tube, catheter and such.
When I left the home last night, I drove home with tears in my eyes thinking of life without him, but a newfound serenity in my heart that he and we have made the decision that is best for him. We are truly at that place where every time I kiss his forehead and say good night, it may be the last time we speak. Once again, thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers.
I am going to take a shower, and wander down to the home for the day. Today I think we will sit and chat, and I will try to pick his brains for a little more of our family history, and stories from the old days. We may even reminisce about what a great life he has provided for me, and the fun we had while traveling the road that has been MY life. My brother and my sister are both going down there after they get out of work, so Dad will spend very little time alone, even if we are simply watching him sleep and rest, after the traumatic days of IV's, machines and the bright lights and noise in the hospital.
I find comfort in sharing my thoughts with my "family" here at the corner during these times, as I have had little time to develop any REAL friendships here, while spending most of my time caring for mom and dad.I hope nobody finds that in poor taste. Kathy has been a saint, in her loving participation in my parent's care. We have lots of acquaintances at the bowling alley and a couple of close friends, but I find my comfort with my heartwarming friendships back there in Central NY, and with my newfound friends here on the forum. God bless you all.
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Post by frankcor on Oct 17, 2008 12:12:22 GMT -5
Clipper, I wish Godspeed to your dad on his journey home. I'm sending healing thoughts to your and your family.
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Post by Ralph on Oct 17, 2008 15:23:55 GMT -5
I had to deal with much the same thing with my mom a little over three years ago.
And since there was no “Dad” in my life to speak of, my mom was a constant.
Pick his brain as much as you can Clipper, discuss the things you always wished you had and haven’t yet. I know that when my mom made her mind up to leave us that most of the time was spent just reading the paper and being there. Too soon she was gone and to this day there are many things I wished I had asked when I had the chance. But then while we were always close, we were not confidants of our deepest secrets or thoughts either.
I know that you have planned for this, (I didn’t have that chance) but it is hard when it happens never the less. As you mentioned, it makes you the family patriarch, a task I was neither ready nor prepared for.
And despite what we think we know or don’t know, you will immediately be looked upon as being the wise sage, all knowing and all seeing at the helm…….yeah right!!!
It will also bring you closer to dealing with you own mortality, something that whether or not most will admit, is a daunting thought at such an early age.
Too often there ensues an awkward silence after the passing of friends or family when all that can be said is, “if there is anything we can do……”, I found the answers to that often and most asked question are simply listen and understand.
There is a great deal of “life” to deal with when the time comes, we’ll be here for you whether it be on the board or in private, and most of us have been there at one time or another, so we do understand.
Betty and I will keep your dad and your whole family in our thoughts and prayers.
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Post by concerned on Oct 18, 2008 9:11:04 GMT -5
My prayers are with you and your family. May Christ send His angel to comfort your Dad and bring him home to the heart of the Father and in that heart find his love his wife and your Mom.
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