Post by clarencebunsen on Feb 4, 2008 21:06:40 GMT -5
While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a stroke. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear, we've never had a liberal in the family before."
Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first row,
with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret
Service guys
leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at
the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the
entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy. "Bill hesitates...but
begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her
pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She
gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You
@#$!&&&&&&&&*%$%**!!!..
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering,
hooting & hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to
the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would
have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Mr.
President, Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first 'Pitch'".
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do," she told her class, "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."
After the Super Bowl, George Bush called the Patriots to congratulate them. Al Gore called the Panthers to tell them they had been robbed. Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson!
Subject: FW: Democrats and Republicans
Pope Visits Alaska
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican log gers came racing up.
One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about grizzly bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?
Subject: Snow White and Dopey
One fine day, as the Seven Dwarfs left the house for work in the mine,
Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch. When she arrived at the mine
with lunch just before noon, she saw that there had been a terrible cave
in. Fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope
that some of the dwarfs had survived.
"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello" For quite some
time there was no response. Beginning to lose hope, Snow White called
again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"
Just as she was about to give up, a faint voice came from deep within
the mine. The voice called to her, "Vote for Hillary. Vote for Hillary."
Snow White cried out with joy,
"Oh, thank God! At least Dopey is still alive!"
Followed by a news item for Losj
knox.villagesoup.com/rewrite/108448.htm
"Oh, dear, we've never had a liberal in the family before."
Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first row,
with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret
Service guys
leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at
the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the
entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy. "Bill hesitates...but
begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her
pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She
gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You
@#$!&&&&&&&&*%$%**!!!..
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering,
hooting & hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to
the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would
have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Mr.
President, Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first 'Pitch'".
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do," she told her class, "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."
After the Super Bowl, George Bush called the Patriots to congratulate them. Al Gore called the Panthers to tell them they had been robbed. Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson!
Subject: FW: Democrats and Republicans
Pope Visits Alaska
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican log gers came racing up.
One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about grizzly bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?
Subject: Snow White and Dopey
One fine day, as the Seven Dwarfs left the house for work in the mine,
Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch. When she arrived at the mine
with lunch just before noon, she saw that there had been a terrible cave
in. Fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope
that some of the dwarfs had survived.
"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello" For quite some
time there was no response. Beginning to lose hope, Snow White called
again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"
Just as she was about to give up, a faint voice came from deep within
the mine. The voice called to her, "Vote for Hillary. Vote for Hillary."
Snow White cried out with joy,
"Oh, thank God! At least Dopey is still alive!"
Followed by a news item for Losj
knox.villagesoup.com/rewrite/108448.htm
