Police: Lenox man slammed child’s head into concre

[Swimmy]

For some people, it's not that they put their own needs before their children's.

[thelma]

Please clarify what you meant by your statement, swimmy. What other reason could be possible for a young woman to expose her child to someone capable of causing his death? She had a family she could have turned to for support - both financially and emotionally. If not, there is always the Welfare system to help her get on her feet. There are many alternatives better than staying in an enviroment where your child can get killed by an abuser.

[Clipper]

I was just reading on the OD homepage where the little guy that was assaulted died today at Upstate Medical.

They say an autopsy will be performed and the results turned over to the DA. I guess that means that the boyfriend will be charged with some sort of homicide now that the boy has died. Hopefully justice will be done, however it will not make any less sad.

With the upswing in incidents like this one, as well as the boy from Boonville that killed an infant, and the one from Barneveld that was in the news a few years back, it makes one stop and wonder what is happening to young people or young parents.

I have to think a lot of it is the lack of patience and desperation of having children with so little preparation or desire to parent. Kids of today are not taught responsibility for the most part, and are unprepared for the rigors of child care. Very sad!

I will keep the mother in my prayers, and the young man who injured the little guy also. I am imagining that it was probably a desperate act of frustration for which he will pay for the rest of his life. It is sad that a life was lost, and several others will be ruined.

[Ralph]

www.uticaod.com/homepage/x1907847305

Sad, sad, sad.

[Swimmy]

Sometimes, a person in an abusive relationship remains in one because the other good parts of the relationship outweigh it. Other times the person is already isolated from family and friends. There is no one to guide the person to seek alternatives. Or they are too afraid to act upon such advice.

This woman was involved in a domestic abuse situation. Perhaps she felt isolated and cornered, that there was no other solution but the present one. I don't mean to sound as I'm defending her, just to indicate that it might not necessarily be an issue of priorities. Maybe, she felt that if she tried to run, she would jeopardize her child. Maybe she felt that as long as he only abused her then her child would be safe. Maybe he threatened her to the point that she feared she and her child would not be safe or protected if she turned to her family or the police.

Not having any children myself, I cannot say what I would have done. We all respond differently. Thelma, you were brave enough to get away from such a situation to protect her children. That's good. If I were in that situation, I would like to think I would be just as brave. But I don't know.

When I interned at the DA's office, I found myself frustrated that a woman who was routinely beaten within inches of her life would not testify against her husband. In that particular case, her husband focused only on her and not her children. After working there and talking with one of the ADAs about it, I gained a new understanding of why they stay.

It's easy for us to "armchair quarterback," not that I'm saying I'm not guilty of doing that. Just that this woman's situation is not fully aware and we do not know all the circumstances as to why she did not leave this man to protect herself or her son.

[Swimmy]

That is very sad news.

[bobbbiez]

Yes swimmy, it is so very, very sad that another little one had to die but it is taking place much to often today.

I was brought up differently and protected my kids in every way I could with my life if I had to, but nothing is that black and white.

I am a very strong woman in all ways and learned to stand up for myself throughout my years of growing. I don't know the mother of this baby and what she was faced with in her situation to judge her. All I can think is everyone from her family, friends and the rightful departments failed her and her child and most of the time it is because people just don't want to get involved or do the right thing.

Very sad for all involved and I will offer my prayers for all.

[thelma]

Swimmy - since I walked in the shoes of the mother of little Aaron except I had 3 children at the time rather than just one, I feel I can "sit in judgment" of her deciding to stay with this abusive boyfriend.

There are many shelters and YWCA, plus Domestic Violence hotlines, plus laws that the Police have to enforce that all can help any woman living in an abusive relationship. Social Services are also there to provide the necessary financial support needed.

NONE of these agencies or other means of help were available when I left. It was my generation that got these laws put on the books and Domestic Violence shelters and agencies in place to provide the help women of today need. Many women of my generation died in order for Society to realize just how bad Domestic Violence really was.

IMO, there is no "excuse" for any woman to stay in an abusive situation and expose her child to death at the hands of her "boyfriend". I also don't buy the "excuse" that maybe this child did something where the "boyfriend" lost control to the point he ended up hitting him which cause his death. This "boyfriend" was an adult and should have been mature enough to walk away or control his temper. Afterall, how much defense can a small 3 year old child provide against his attacker?

As far as I'm concerned, the mother of Aaron is as much to blame for his death as the boyfriend is.

Aaron is now an Angel in Heaven and free of any further pain from what his life on Earth provided him.

[Swimmy]

Agreed on all fronts there.

[bobbbiez]

Thelma, please explain to me one thing. With all the agenies you listed to help why then is there so much more killing of these innocent babies happening today then in our day?

One thing I know of for sure is what I mentioned, and that is how important family and friend's support is that helped us out when we were in that same situation. Fear is a terrible thing and from what I'm hearing this mother had plenty of that and no support from the outside.

Since there is so many women being abused today even with all these agencies you mentioned it only tells me these women who stay with the abuser are not as strong as you and I were and something is lacking in them.

[thelma]

I agree it takes a lot of internal strength to leave a relationship and go out into the world all alone knowing you have to make it all on your own. I was only 25 years old when I did it and often wonder if I would have had the same type of "bravery" at the age of 40! I also had my family support and understanding as there were no laws or agencies to help me back in those days.

Fear - I remember the day I left; I hid in my parents garage waiting for my Mother to come home from church with my children. My husband had threatened me that if I didn't come home, he was coming over to my parents' house with a shotgun and would kill ALL of us.

Bottom line: I think our "strength" to get out of an abusive relationship came from the fact that the love for our children was greater than the love for ourselves and we would do anything we could to make sure they were safe from harm. That is something that is instilled in us during childhood by our parents from the time we are little.

Too many women of today have never had to face hard times on their own which helps a woman become independant and learn how to face and conquer battle after battle - all on their own.

I've seen what the Domestic Violence Caseworkers do and the help they offer to the victims that seek their help and they all are excellent. However, the victim has to have the guts to be willing to stand on her own two feet and protect her children in order to completely break away from her abuser. The law will take care of the abuser.

[Ralph]

Thelma, While I do appreciate that you were able to pull yourself up out of a bad situation and move on and do congratulate you for it, I have seen a lot of these situations.

None of them are good; but you have to realize the psychological impact that this type of treatment has on some women. Those that have not seen it first hand don't always understand it.

And please try to understand that I feel the same way you do, but there is another side to the coin so to speak. Many women stay in these situations, that while to people like you and me make no sense at all, to them it is totally logical.

Whether through sheer fear or the type of brainwashing they impose upon their victims, to them it is very, very real.
Sometimes it is so deeply ingrained that when things like this take place, they will actually come to the defense of the perpetrator!

Don't ask me how, but these nut cases are able to project their own psychosis into those they are with. It is truly hard to deal with and just as scary to see.

I hope they lock this one up in general population. They have their own way of dealing with this type on the inside.

[Swimmy]

Sometimes, it starts out that the guy is a great guy and everyone loves him. Then after the relationship starts, the guy's true colors come out. No else has ever seen them so they don't even suspect he has those abusive capacities. When some women do try to reach out and their friends and family just ignore it because they adore the guy so much, those women begin to shutdown inside and start to accept the trap that they are in. If it goes on long enough, they eventually become desensitized enough that they accept it as normal. After awhile they have that syndrome where they identify themselves with their attacker and start to defend him. "He loves me" is one I often hear.

[thelma]

I could write a book about the psychological damage that Domestic Abuse incurs on the innocent victim. If someone continuously tells you "You're stupid, You're ugly, You're immature, ETC." - eventually you believe it. Then the abuser has done his job - he has destroyed your self worth.

Another way the abuser COnTROLS the victim is to isolate them from their friends and family. This eliminates any support system they need in order to escape from under the abuser's dominance.

Men are much stronger physically than the average woman leaving her totally helpless to fight him back physically. This is why most women that reach their breaking point wait until "he" is sleeping to kill him - all in an attempt to end the abuse.

Again - I went thru every one of theee stages including the thought and almost the actual act of murder. My "downfall" was I told "him" I was going to leave and wanted a legal separation - which resulted in a beating so severe it almost killed me. I left the next day; never looked back and never returned.

The driving factor in my leaving was that I did NOT want my husband with his alcoholic tendencies and abusive nature to be the role model for my boys (ages 8 & 3 at the time) to think that this is how a man should act towards a woman, and plus the fact he never was a "hands on" type of Dad towards the boys. I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking that a woman was a second class citizen to any man and to stand up for herself.

IF = IF I didn't have children, would I have had the strength to leave? I really can't answer that question as my children and their safety and emotional health was the driving force in my decision to walk away from my own home and financial security to the cold hard world of supporting myself and my children on my own.

Looking back on those days, if I didn't leave when I did I probably would have either killed him and I would still be locked up inside a Prison and my children would have grown up without either one of their parents -or- I would have been killed.

I wish I could get the message out to ALL abused women to find the courage and help needed to walk away from anyone that abuses them as it will only get worst.

[Swimmy]

Start a support group? Or write that book. I'm serious.