Sharing the lessons I have learned.

[Clipper]

I hppe that my sharing my personal life has not been boring or offensive to anyone. I have shared my experiences with my mom and dad with you all, in hopes that some will learn or take a thought away with them, to contemplate later on.

Many of us do what I did for years. We go on with our lives as though mom and dad will be there forever. Well, I have never been so grateful as I am for the opportunity to have retired here to care for my parents. It has been a task filled with loving sharing between us all, and a time of learning from them, even as I reached 60+ years old, and they were in their late 70's and early 80's.

My posts were not of a "blowing my own horn" nature, but were intended to share the wonderful experience of CARING for my mom and dad. We all forget sometimes the time and effort that went into raising US, and need to spend some of our own time in our busy days, insuring the quality of life for them that they insured for us.

The posts all started, along with my desire to write on Dave's More Stories page, with an emotional and very deep post from Todd, in his reflecting on the impact of his loss of his father. To me, Todd is an amazing young man that works in a job that could drain any compassion from your soul. He obviously has a mom, and had a dad, that were nurturing, and loving, and raised him with a dedication to goodness and caring.

I will be 62 in February, and that is not really very old, but I feel that in my retirement and my older years, I have been amazed with the enormous amount of learning, that I had no time or concern for earlier in my life.

I started out attempting to soothe Todd's heart, and it snowballed into attempting to share all the wonders of caring for parents with everyone, not just Todd. My dad's last years were an amazingly happy time for me, and the opportunity to be retired and able to share his days with him, have been one of God's largest blessings.

Todd, all I can say my friend is thank you for arousing those thoughts in my mind. I miss my dad also, but you have your mom to share your grief with, and there is most likely little reason or time for grief. Instead of wasting the time mourning. Celebrate your dad's life and share those memories with your mom. Life is too short for mourning. Love your mom, and make your time count for something positive, by sharing your life and your time with her while you are able. Your post prompted me to write my first short story for Dave's site, called "Passing." It can be found on Dave's "More Stories" under my journal "Along the Banks of Beaver Creek". It really touched my heart, and I had those same feelings at the time, for the loss of my mother. I sent me into deep reflection, and thought.

While I selfishly feel sadness for my losses, I have learned to really believe that death is not a horrible thing. Death is simply a part of life. It is the laying down of our mortal body here, and moving on to something beyond. I firmly believe that there IS a beyond, and that we will be reunited with our loved one's.

In the meantime. what we need to focus on is in carrying on in the absence of our fathers. We need to insure that OUR children benefit from the experiences and lessons of our fathers. It is our responsibility to carry on the principles that we were brought up to respect.

I hope that my posts have been taken in the vein in which they were intended. They were posted in a hope of sharing, not bragging, or preaching. Thanks for your patience with my sometimes emotional postings.

[Ralph]

Ya know Clipper; we truly know not whence we came, nor not where we go.
All we have is faith.

A few friends of mine and I were sitting after a meeting several years ago talking about different aspects of religion, and other such stuff…….and these were folks that are well known in our community and of different religious and racial backgrounds, but we all managed to find a common ground during our discussions and I was always proud to call these gentlemen my friends.

I asked a question that night of them all, and only got an answer from one of them.

The question I had asked was (and I have asked it of others with no answer); “What if we are all wrong, what if there is nothing waiting for us but dirt in the end, what becomes of our faith at that point?”

The answer was immediate and to the point; he told me that if his “faith” provided nothing but the assurance that his children were raised to know the difference between right and wrong, courtesy, compassion and the wisdom to do “the right things”……..then that would be enough for him.

I mention that only as an addendum, as I don’t believe anyone here thinks you have been blowing your own horn. You have related to us the life and times and passing of your father, your “hero”.
Not many people would be willing to do that, not many would want to, not many would have the courage to relate their hearts feelings to people they have no clue about.
But you did.

Life “is what it is” my friend, you took the time to share one of the most personal moments of your life with all of us.

There is nothing left to say to say to this my friend but “Thank you”.

[dgriffin]

Amen to that, Ralph.

Clipper, we give what we have. We share our experiences in the hope others will benefit from them in one way or another. Even if only, in the case of some of our writing, to be entertained.

Your notes about your Dad have caused me to consider a lot of things I won't mention here. Except to say they've been helpful. God bless, my friend.

[Clipper]

Thanks Ralph. I have said before, that I would either go to "heaven" or to a life beyond this one, or I would simply become "compost". Either way, "faith" is a way that those of us that believe, soothe ourselves, and it makes daily life, and death much easier to digest.

Heck if I end up compost, somebody will have a plot of ground the size of my grave that will be more than well fertilized with my fat ass laying beneath, LOLOL.

Ya know, I feel a relief instead of deep sorrow. I didn't realize the responsibility or the stress that went along with caring for mom and dad. Even when my mom was alive and they were in their home, I would get calls that one of them had fallen and I would have to run up there and check them out and get them up. Their finished basement used to flood when we got a really heavy rain. I rented a backhoe and installed a french drain to cure that problem, but I used to spend whole nights with a shop vac, protecting the furniture and carpet from water damage.

For the 2 1/2 years dad was here in our home, I would get woke up to change his bed during the night if he had an accident, and I had to feed him his meals because of his tremor.

When he went to the nursing home, I had to dread a telephone call any time before 8 AM because I was always afraid they were calling to tell me he died in his sleep.

I feel that my responsibility to them has ended, and relief and satisfaction that I did all I could has set in. It is a feeling that a load has been lifted, no matter how loving the load of caring for them was.

I have gone to bed the last two nights and slept through to morning without even getting up to go to the bathroom. I am finally feeling fully rested.

Now I can focus on getting Kathy well again, and I can GO BUY A NEW LADDER AND A PARACHUTE, AND FINISH THE SIDING JOB, HAHAHAHA! ;D ;D

[Disgusted-Daily]

Hey Clip,

I am truly sorry for your loss of a great man in your life. Thanks for the kind words you wrote about me. I would mention while you thought that your attempts to soothe my heart had snowballed, I assure you it did not. I am glad we had the talk we did, I was able to confide and express my feelings to you during a terrible time in my life. You not only listened but gave me some encouragement with dealing with my despair for the future. That my friend can never have a price tag.

I guess nobody will really know what or where the end is, but if believing their truly is a place beyond here where we can meet up with our love ones and it makes things easier for the living and the dieing then so be it.

I can only hope when the time comes that I can meet up with all my loved ones and friends once again, I will leave this world saddened knowing that I will leave the same sorrow and despair to my family as it was left upon me. I will only hope that my son will forever love me and remember me for the great Father I have tried so hard to be to him. May he grow up and pass on all the goodness, morrows and ethics that I have tried to instill him to be a great man that his peers will look up too.

To be loved and remembered by all is more than any one person could want or expect in the end.

God bless all of our families and friends!